And jokes

What do you call Holly and Elenji?

A couple.

Hi! I love when you walk in and out the door at night. I did not.

And walk.

What did the iceberg say to the firefighter?

"Come close and I’ll knock you out cold!"

I did a good walk, and I did a good job of it.

What do royals and hot dogs have in common?

They're usually in bread.

To spite Santa and Greta Thunberg, I'm burning the coal I got for Christmas.

I wonder why the plane got bigger and bigger, then it hit me.

You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.

What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?

The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.

What's the difference between the Grand Canyon and a blonde?

The Grand Canyon is a busy ditch.

He: I'm Nike, and you're McDonalds.

She: Why?

He: 'Cause I'm doing it, and you're loving it. :)

What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?

A baby playing with a scalpel.

If I was a cow and could dance, I'd bust some moooooves while I uddered some lyrics!

Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.

The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.

Why can't England play chess?

Because they have no queen, and they will soon lose their king.

I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.

What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.

What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?

They both get smoked in bowls.