And jokes
While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.
Mary has a house near a forest. She lives with her bro, and she once asked, "How many trees are there?" Her bro said: "I don't know." She said: "Tree."
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.
They always make me cry.
What is an orphan's favorite toy? A mom and dad action figure.
Memes
Rocks rock and crack!
She does not wanna fuck you, and she don’t need you clapping them cheeks.
What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?
One won't scream when you remove their meat.
A guy walks into a bar, then a table, and then a chair.
And walk.
What did the iceberg say to the firefighter?
"Come close and I’ll knock you out cold!"
A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.
The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"
What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.
I love my dog and all dogs.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple actually gets picked.
The 1645 service has been cancelled and has been replaced by a replacement bus service.
EasyJet would like to apologise to all of those who are travelling to Greece.
Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?
A: Eggs.
Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.
What's a similarity between Harvey Weinstein's pants and American bombs?
They both drop unannounced and leave mass casualties.
So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"