And jokes

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"

SCP-173 has breached containment. This is not a joke. Multiple Keter class SCPs have breached containment. This is an XK class event. Evacuate the Earth and solar system. The world is ending!

If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!

Bf: Babe, do you love me?

Gf: Of course, why do you ask?

Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.

You know how to draw a horse? If not, look in a mirror and draw what you see.

My chocolate babe is calling my name, and now I'm about to get my chocolate freak on.

This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.

Why were the apple and orange all alone? Because the banana "split."

What fruit is square and green? A lemon in disguise.

Why don't chickens and sheep get along?

Because they have beef between them.

I sat down and wrote a joke.

One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.

Five years later, he came back and left again.

I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

Kids won't eat the broccoli.

If a chicken flies into the plane and the plane crashes, whose fault is it?

A: The driver's. Chickens can't fly.

Hi! I love when you walk in and out the door at night. I did not.

I did a good walk, and I did a good job of it.

A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.

A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,

Librarian: What are you looking for?

Man: I am looking for a book!

Librarian: Which book?

Man: Facebook.

What goes up and down and does not move?

Stairs.