And jokes

What's the difference between China and New York City?

In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.

What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and an Emo?

They're both gay and use knives.

What do you call an orphan living with ghosts?

"Him and his dead family." :(

What is the difference between an Orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.

Why can't the cheetah play hide and seek? Because he's always spotted.

Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?

Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.

Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.

Father: Now you know.

A kid went to visit his bully, and he says, "How's your face?" The kid says, "How's your parents?" and proceeds to walk out of the orphanage.

I bought my son a trampoline. He sat in his wheelchair and cried.

What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

10; 1 to do it and 9 to back him up.

"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"

"Ok!"

"Are you ok, man?"

"Yeah, I’m fine."

"Dude, pull your pants back up!"

What’s the comparison of an emo and a highlighter?

You can pop their head off.

Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!

Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.

You guys know the notes A Minor and D? I really like putting D in A Minor!

Why does an orphan go to a spelling bee?

So they can spell "home."

Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.

And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.

What do you call a criminal?

Disarmed and dangerous.