And jokes

What is the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?

Pikachu, I choose you!

You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?

I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.

What has two wings and a halo?

A Chinese telephone. (Wing, wing, halo.)

What do you call two men fucking? My dad and I. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

What's the difference between a white woman and a tornado siren?

The tornado siren doesn't get raped.

I like my women like I like my scotch:

12 years old and mixed with coke.

Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.

What's brown and in a baby's diaper?

Michael Jackson's hand.

What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and an Emo?

They're both gay and use knives.

My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.

A 9-year-old girl lies on a hospital bed struggling to breathe as she waits for the doctor to come.

The doctor finally comes, and the little girl can breathe much easier after he pulls his cock out of her mouth.

What do 9/11 and gender have in common?

They used to be two, and now it's a sensitive topic.

What do maths and 9/11 have in common?

They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.

Kate: Can we have a threesome?

Trevor: Sure.

The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.

A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.

On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."

On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.

When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.

A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"

And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."

And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"

And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."