And jokes

"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?" Replies, "No." "Gross!"

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.

Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."

I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.

What's the difference between a prisoner and an orphan?

One is loved.

What do Bob Ross's painting and the orphanage have in common?

They're both filled with happy little accidents.

When a person yells, just laugh and remember that they can’t hurt what’s already dead.

I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.

Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.

Q: What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan?

A: Apples get picked! 😱

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes and lifted up her dress. They had some fun.

But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

READ THIS OUT LOUD:

This is this cat.

This is is cat.

This is how cat.

This is to cat.

This is keep cat.

This is an cat.

This is idiot cat.

This is a busy cat.

This is for cat.

This is forty cat this is seconds cat.

NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.

Why can't religion and science agree?

Because science creates skyscrapers, and religion combines with skyscrapers.

My ex-friends are depressed. Their names are Kaitlyn and Ava.

An emo and a leaf fall out of a tree. Which hits the ground first? The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.

If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?

"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."

I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.

I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.

I sold my vacuum the other day.

All I got was dust and my mom's wig.

What's the difference between a gay man and a hairline?

The hairline is way straighter.