And jokes

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

Wanna go to suicide school, then time travel to Hitler's bunker and ask him to teach you?

Why shouldn’t you call people in China?

Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"

-not my joke

My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and went right.

A poor person came up to me and said, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

What is the difference between a knife and a feminist?

A knife has a point.

Are your forehead and hairline old friends because they go way back?

I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."

My brother said, "You want a cookie?"

Women have ass and tits... but men have dick and rights.

Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.

It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.

Get your mind together!

When you reconstruct Michael Jackson and Lil Nas X to wreak havoc on preschool.

What do Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both have little boy's pants 1⁄2 off...

Why did Michael Jackson become white? He wanted to be like a ghost, and I have any feeheet.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

What do Michael Jackson and a plastic bag have in common?

They both are plastic and like kids.

What are Michael Jackson’s favorite universities?

Brigham Young and Boise State.

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.

What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?

One is for Sunday morning, and one is for Sunday night.

Chuck Norris can toss Jupiter at the Sun with his bare hands.

And he still cannot win a fighting match against Bruce Lee.