And jokes

How many people can you fit in a car?

6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.

A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"

Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"

I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣

Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?

Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)

Where did Sally go during the bombings? Everywhere!

Why didn’t the parents bother looking for her? Because she was in the front and back yard in small chunks! 😂

A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree, who made it to the floor first?

The leaf. The emo kid was caught on a rope.

You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"

When the C.I.A. raided Osama Bin Laden’s house, they found Steam on his computer. This means he was a gamer. He raged a little too hard and went for New York.

What makes a joke a dad joke? When it leaves and doesn't come back.

So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.

What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?

Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain."

What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?

The prisoner is wanted!

Hey Gwen, listen, I know you're on this app, fake or not. I love you either way. Please find this faker and finish her off for what she's done, real Gwen.

*You're a real best Gwen*

I was digging in my backyard and found a chest of coins. I wanted to run inside and tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging in the backyard.

What does a blind man and your dick have in common?

They both can’t get up without a dog.

When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.

I'm back and wearing dead whites who are killing whites from Eastern Europe on me. Shout out my boy russia and Ukraine, they all are evil just like USA and China and the rest of the west!

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple gets picked.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?

They both don't last a while.