And jokes

I was digging a hole in the garden when I found some gold coins.

I was about to run and tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging a hole in the garden...

What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!

How did 10 die?

Because it was in between 9 and 11.

What's the similarity between gay men and an ambulance?

They both take it in the back and go woop woop.

Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.

It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.

You think on a airplane when a muslim guy gets on, people look at him and think... "Aw, fuck."

Why are kids so skinny?

Parents eat all the food themselves, and let the kids starve.

What do emos and guys with a durag have in common? They both have waves, just one is on their arm.

How do you see the difference between a cow and a bull? It’s either one or the udder.

I played Rock Paper Scissors with my friend Enyaw. I cba with jokes basically me and Enyaw always scissor.

Can't be bothered with jokes, me and Syd Drake f**k 24/7.

How do you cut your grass without a lawnmower?

You dye it blue and it will cut itself.

How do you cut your grass without a lawn mower?

You dye it blue and it will cut itself.

What is long, hard and has cum in it? Cucumber.

What is a 3 letter word that starts with S ends with X and has a vowel? Six.

Bro, the US keeps bullying the UK because the queen died, and do you know the meme "No Bitches?" Yeah, they put "No Queen" instead. And guess what? The UK replied this time and said, "No Towers?" I was shocked. UK's most devious lick.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song?

The wheels on the chair go round and round.

I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.

Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.

Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

Today I was asked what I wanted to be, and I said I wanted to be a pinata because I want to be hanged.