And jokes

I got in trouble today because I threw a lamp at the emo kid and said, "Lighten up!"

Look for the Gummy Bear album in stores on November 13th, with lots of music, videos, and extras!

After 9/11, the Twin Towers began to vape and smoke weed... 😔

Who is yourself, and why do people keep telling me to kill him?

Yo, dad went to get milk and still hasn't came back 10 years later!

My back is straighter than I am, and I literally have scoliosis.

What's the difference between a gamer and dog poop?

Dog poop touches grass.

What do both a hooker and a customer have in common? They come onto each other.

A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it’s too long."

Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you’ll never get it."

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple tray?

The apples get picked.

What's the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot?

A man will actually look for the golf ball.

What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common?

There used to be two, but now it's a touchy subject.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."

I was an orphan as a kid, but I have never had a bitch, so I asked this cheerleader to homecoming, and she said, "Mofo, you are only coming to hoco because you need a home to go to!"

My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.

And they're off!

Bob the builder took one look at you and said, "Nah, I can’t fix that!"

The peanut gained confidence and finally came out of its shell.

"You have to do this," and my sister said, "Well, I don't care."

And I said, "Well, you care enough to respond back, oh my gosh!"

Yo mama is so ugly, she walked in a haunted house and walked out with a job application.

Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.

This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉