And jokes

What can’t a person with no arms do: if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.

What are the similarities between a blind person and an orphan?

Neither can see their parents.

What's the similarity between my son and a rug from eBay? I asked for a refund.

If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.

So, if Russia was the motherland and Germany was the fatherland, what does that mean?

The Western Front is domestic violence.

When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”

Papyrus: Sans, I have a joke. What do you call someone lazy and incompetent?

Sans: What do you call them?

Papyrus: YOU! NOW GET UP AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM, YOU LAZY BONES!

Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.

Want to know how a joke becomes a dad joke? Just wait for it to leave you and never come back.

Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.

If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).

What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and a book?

A book has papers.

My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.

My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.

Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.

She lets him play anyway and I don't.

My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.

Why do orphans only have 362 days in a year?

Because they don't have Mothers', Fathers', and Family Day!

What’s the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator won’t fart when you pull the meat out.

What's one similarity between the twin towers and gender?

There used to be 2, and now it's a sensitive subject.

If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?

What’s the difference between outlaws and orphans?

At least outlaws are wanted.

*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?