And jokes

Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?

Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.

What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.

They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.

I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.

What do orgasms and pulses have in common?

I don’t care if they have either of them.

What’s the difference between how you watch porn and I watch porn?

The windows we watch through.

What is the difference between runners and my car?

My car is still running.

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

What’s the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?

They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.

What is the difference between white people and coal?

It’s bad for the environment to burn coal.

What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?

"Will there be seconds?"

How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.

"A llahu Aks into a bar..."

And it blows up!

Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.

Not to mention and by plane.

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

I thought I saw a cool sticker on my office window, then I realized it was getting bigger and bigger.

What's more stupid than rapper and booty jokes?

NOTHING!