And jokes

Your momma is so stupid, when someone said it’s chilly outside, she brought a spoon and bowl.

A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.

Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."

Woman: "What's the bad news?"

Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"

Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"

Dr: "It's dead!"

Where did the pig go on holiday?

Snout and about.

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste!

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

One of them gets picked up.

I made a house for orphans and...

they had no clue how to use it.

My sister says, "Dad," and repeats it, and this is my dad: WOULD U STOP me? 😑

When you see an "Autistic child zone" sign and say, "Oh! That wasn't a dog."

Who's a pineapple? I'm a pineapple... Yass.

Teacher and kid.

Kid: Hey, teacher.

Teacher: Yes?

Kid: Would you punish me for something I didn't do?

Teacher: Of course not.

Kid: Well, I didn't do my homework!

Person 1: Hi, I am Tom, and you?

Person 2: Andrew?

What's the difference between a baby and an onion?

I cry when I chop up an onion.

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.

She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

What’s the difference between cancer and my brother?

My brother didn’t beat cancer.

Are you sure your father isn't a thief?

Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.

A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".

The tree never responded; it left him hanging.

I went to see my dentist, and she warned me it was going to hurt. Then, she told me she was having an affair with my husband. Good news though...the cleaning didn't hurt.

What is the difference between a brown bear and a polar bear?

About a few thousand miles.

Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?

Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?

What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common?

They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs.