And jokes

What's the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?

Pikachu, I choose you!

I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"

I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak, and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.

I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!

How did we know Princess Diana had dandruff?

'Cause the police found her Head and Shoulders on the dash.

What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?

One had the last supper.

What's the difference between a baby and a brick?

A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.

Why did the orphan call Mr. Smith "daddy"? Because he put her in the vices and taught her a lesson about virginity.

A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?

B: They're both hot?

A: They're both massive.

Who is the biggest slut in the world? Ms. Pacman, because you give her 25 cents and she swallows balls until she dies.

So, there was this cop on the top bunk of a bunk bed.

Another cop walks in and sits on the bottom bunk and the cop on the top bunk bed said, "You're under a-rest."

Who were the fastest runners ever? Adam and Eve. They were first in the human race.

What do you call blue and orange at the bottom of a pool?

A baby with flat armbands!

What's the difference between tuna, a piano and glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

My mom told me that she got a new job & I don't have to leave the house.

Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood.

Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job.

My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I'm good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.

Why do the orphans keep going back to the orphan home?

Because they got no home to go to, yeah, please like this and laugh because I got no one to read this.

What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.

So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."

One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"

Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."

His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"

Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.

A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.

The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.

The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.

The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"

The bartender agrees without hesitation.

The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.

"WTF!" the man shouts.

The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"