And jokes

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russell

Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?

Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.

Why did the cat meow?

Because it's a cat, and they meow.

So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.

Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"

And I said: "They're the exact same thing."

Then they said: "But when did it happen?"

So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"

It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.

An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf, and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.

What do you get when you cross breed a bear with a retarded person?

A feminist (a hairy and brainless beast).

I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!

I don't like making 9/11 jokes because every joke about 9/11 I make has a tendency to crash and burn.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

Hitler killed 18 million and only died once.

Fucking camper!

What falls to the ground first if an apple and an emo kid fall from a tree?

The apple because the rope caught the emo kid.

I have no life, and I have no funny jokes.

Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?

They both collapsed.

What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?

They both shoot when they see kids.

What's the difference between an apple and emos?

They both hang on trees.

What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?

"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?

They both erupt when triggered.