And jokes

Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."

The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

What is the difference between 9/11 and rickrolling?

The Twin Towers gave up and let down.

My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"

When the priest said, "Be gone from this boy, demon!" the demon replied, "And you get out of the boy!"

I called an Asian person and asked, 'Is this Mister Wing?' 'No.'

I called once more and asked, 'Is this Mister Wong?' 'No.'

I guess I 'winged the Wong number.'

Why does Michael Jackson like football, baseball, and tennis? Because of the "balls".

What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?

They have both had a few strokes.

What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?

WATCH OUT!!!

What’s the difference between life and a rape joke?

Life fucks you until you stop breathing; a rape joke fucks you until it’s not funny anymore.

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

What would you throw between a priest and a nun? A bottle of whiskey.

Chuck Norris heard that nothing in the world could kill him.

So he tracked down nothing in the world and killed it.

Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"

If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would cut himself to death.

Walk up to an emo and say, "I like your cuts G."

(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”

And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”

What's black and white and red all over? An American School.