And jokes
What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?
You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.
I like my women like I like my diving pools.
Wet and deep.
A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.
Memes
What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?
WATCH OUT!!!
What time is it when you get home and you walk, walk home and walk, walk home?
Zozo the hobo is single like a Pringle.
Single like a Pringle, and he loves Pringle's, get it?
I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.
"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"
"Shut up and leave the bedroom."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?
I've never had a lentil on my face.
What's the difference between you and a bench?
A bench can hold a family.
People wear chokers, and I'm a choker too, because I tried to choke myself 6 times.
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
They never get love.
What do Spider-Man and orphans have in common?
There’s no way home.
What's the difference between a cactus and a school bus?
On a bus all the little pricks are on the inside.
Osama Bin Laden, Josef Stalin, and Hitler are robbing a bank, who do the cops shoot first?
A black guy.