And jokes

What's the difference between women and men?

Men have rights.

What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?

You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.

What do strippers and butter have in common?

Both spread for bread.

Emma Watson gets hotter and hotter in the Harry Potter movies when you’re watching in reverse order.

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?

They are both legless.

Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I've never had a lentil on my face.

Two terrorists walk into a bar.

The bartender asks what they are talking about. Terrorist 1 says, "We are going to kill 14k people and a donkey."

The Bartender asks, "Why a donkey?"

Then Terrorist 2 says, "See, I told you no one would care about the 14k people."

We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.

I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.

I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny.

Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone’s pants!

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff?

Neither did I until I found his Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

A white woman was caught on video using racial slurs and assaulting two black students. She was charged with "interpreting" a black police officer.

What is the difference between women and cars?

At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.

The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."

A child, molester, and priest walk into a bar.

He orders a drink.

My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."

I threw a lamp at a depressed kid and tried to brighten up his day.

If Asriel were Sans, would his theme be "Jokes and Memes"?