And jokes

What's the difference between a hoe and a sidechick? The hoe want different meals, the sidechick always gone be that one crumb on the side of the plate for debate 💯.

It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."

what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?

I don't bowl.

What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.

Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.

I went to the dam to take the dam tour, but the dam tour guide told me there wasn't going to be a dam tour that day. So I was thirsty and I wanted some dam water, but the dam man wouldn't give me any dam water, so I told the dam man to keep his dam water.

You remind me of a snowflake, beautiful and unique. One touch and you're wet.

Ok, so I'm bored, depressed, and lonely. Someone wanna talk?

What is purple, small, and rinsed off in a drainer?

A bunch of grapes! 🍇

An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"

I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.

Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.

...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.

One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,

"What part of the dog did you get?"

A blonde walks in and says, "I want to buy that TV."

The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."

The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."

The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."

The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."

The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."

The blonde asks, "That's it, how'd you know I was a blonde?"

The seller replies, "Because that's a microwave."

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?

They both shoot when they see kids.

What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?

They both erupt when triggered.

I don't like making 9/11 jokes because every joke about 9/11 I make has a tendency to crash and burn.

The only difference between my grandma and the Twin Towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.

One day at school, I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.

The next day at school, I made fun of an orphan.