And jokes

Why are orphans bad at hide and seek?

Because they can’t find their parents.

A farm full of cows were bombed, and only two survived. All of the udders died.

Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued," and it said, "Fuck you."

What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner? A kong-vict.

So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"

Crack me, break me, love me, and you ate me--egg.

Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?

Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.

Women deserve rights and lefts.

I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"

Went to see a psychic the other day.

I knocked on the door, and she said, "Who is it?"

So I turned around and left.

I have a fish that can break dance. Only for about 20 seconds, and only once.

What's long and black?

The line at Popeyes.

"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."

Me:.....

Are you sad? Then don't be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das no good.

An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."

Your mama so fat, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.

So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."

There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.

What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.

Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?

Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.