And jokes

What is old, cold, and alone?

An orphan's parents.

Are you a building because I rate you a 9/11?

Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?

One arrived plain, one came in late, one went to the wrong address, and the other one never came.

What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples get picked.

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.

I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

What's the difference between an orphan and a baseball player?

The baseball player knows where home base is.

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

What’s the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?

Pikachu, I choose you!

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.

What's the difference between your dad and a boomerang?

The boomerang comes back.

If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?

The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.

Women deserve rights and lefts.

I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"

Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued," and it said, "Fuck you."

What do you get if you cross a gorilla and a prisoner? A kong-vict.

Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?

Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

Went to see a psychic the other day.

I knocked on the door, and she said, "Who is it?"

So I turned around and left.

So, my son is into astronomy, and he asked how stars die. I said, "Usually overdose."