And jokes

An emo girl and a squirrel both fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first? The squirrel. The rope stops the emo girl.

Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean 10? 10 what? months? weeks?"

Doctor: "9, 8, 7..."

What's the difference between my arm and legs? Nothing. I slit both of them.

Hey girl, do you like Harry Potter?

Because I want to wingardium leviosa up that skirt, alohamora those legs open, and aqua erupto inside of your leaky cauldron.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a thrill with pills. Jack came down, fuck a clown, and the cum made them frown.

So, I met a boy, and he said he would be happy to be a cannibal because if we all were, we could stop overpopulation and world hunger. And I was like 😍😍😍😍🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.

What's the difference between a yellow line and a baby?

You can't run over a yellow line.

Roses are red, you are gay, and that's it.

There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

How are laundry and Michael Jackson related?

They both got bleached!

She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, and we're both getting sent home from school because it's distracting to boys, apparently.

Let's play pretend. I'll be Nike and you'll be McDonald's, cuz I'll be doin' it and you'll be lovin' it.

I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a pimple? You never see a pimple come on a little boy’s face.

What was the ONLY difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apples got picked.

My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

What’s the difference between a priest and target?

Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.