And jokes

What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

In India, 3 things are wide and far everywhere, but no one admits: racism, sexism, and Sunny's jism.

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung.

Two nuts were walking down the street, and one was a-salted!

What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?

Cash and carry.

A ham sandwich walks into a bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

What time is it when you get home, can you walk home and walk?

What's worse than having an honorary degree from Harvard? Being homeless and having an honorary degree from Harvard.

What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

You’ll only need a single nail to hang the picture frame up.

What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?

One actually finished a race.

A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"

A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"

He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There used to be two, but now it's a sore subject.

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?

So we can think about a solution in silence.

When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.

You could be sitting alone and still be the dumbest person in the room.

Me: Hey, how are you?

Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3

Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?

Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.

Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!

Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)

Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!

Me: Ok, and their names?

Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!

Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)

Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.

Me: Ok, see you soon! :3

Me now hates my life. :)

I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.

What does food and dark humour have in common?

Not everybody gets it.