And jokes

Why are Captain from SpongeBob and Michael Jackson so similar?

They both say, "Are you ready, kids?"

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

What's the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked.

Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her and she was on both sides of it.

Why do kids like Michael Jackson so much?

Because he's made out of plastic, and that's what toys are made out of! 😂

I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...

So, Helen Keller walks into a bar... And then a table.

I got a roommate. He killed a butterfly, and I said no butter for a week. The next day, he killed a cockroach. Son of a bitch, nice try.

What is the difference between a comedian and a clown?

A comedian leads Ukraine, and a clown leads America.

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.

What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.

Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?

Her: What?

Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.

What's the difference between a hoe and a sidechick? The hoe want different meals, the sidechick always gone be that one crumb on the side of the plate for debate 💯.

It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."

what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?

I don't bowl.

What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.

Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.

I went to the dam to take the dam tour, but the dam tour guide told me there wasn't going to be a dam tour that day. So I was thirsty and I wanted some dam water, but the dam man wouldn't give me any dam water, so I told the dam man to keep his dam water.

You remind me of a snowflake, beautiful and unique. One touch and you're wet.

Ok, so I'm bored, depressed, and lonely. Someone wanna talk?