And jokes

I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.

What can change color and get beat up?

You.

Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them? In case they bypassed the Milky Way!

Roses are red. Violets are blue. You smell like shit. And you look like it too.

Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.

One day at school, I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.

The next day at school, I made fun of an orphan.

An emo girl and a squirrel both fall out of a tree. Who hits the ground first? The squirrel. The rope stops the emo girl.

What do you call a zombie?

Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.

Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”

This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."

A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!

If you're ever down one day, just go to the orphanage and bully an orphan because what is he going to do about it? He has no parents.

And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”

But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.

What falls and never gets hurt? Snow.

Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean 10? 10 what? months? weeks?"

Doctor: "9, 8, 7..."

Yo mama's so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for burgers and fries.

So I was digging in the garden and I found some treasure. I was gonna tell my wife when I remembered why I was digging in the garden.

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a pimple? You never see a pimple come on a little boy’s face.

How are laundry and Michael Jackson related?

They both got bleached!

Your mum sat on a phone, and she turned it into a pancake.