And jokes
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang a painting.
What do a priest and a McDonalds have in common?
They both slide their meat in 10 year old buns.
What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?
Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.
What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Memes
Friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Other Friend: Sure.
Friend: Pussy.
Other Friend: I don't get it.
Friend: And you never will.
Doctor: I have bad news and really bad news.
Patient: What's the bad news?
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What's the really bad news?
Doctor: I forgot to tell you yesterday.
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
What do Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
Both fly around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!
There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear.
Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him, "Go on, so what did you do with the ship then?"
What's similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her?
They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's going to kill me!"
A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.
The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."
The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"
What is the difference between a book and a Mexican?
One has papers.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
Don't be sad, because that's das backwards and das not good.
What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?
A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."