And jokes

I had a cake for my gender reveal party. I cut it, and the inside was yellow...

The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.

When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"

The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.

I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

What's red, green, and goes 90 miles an hour?

A frog in a blender.

For all the Harry Potter fans:

A VPN is occlumency for smart devices, and our ISP is a legilimens.

Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day.

It was a complete waste of money.

He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."

What does a lesbian and a sea turtle have in common?

They both choke on plastic.

So little Susie came home and said, "Mom, little Johnny showed me his pecker."

And her mom said, "WHAT?!"

And little Susie was like, "Yeah, it reminded me of a peanut." Her mom said, "Oh, because it was so small?"

Susie said, "No, because it tasted salty."

Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.

So, my girlfriend left me. I took her wheelchair, and she came back crawling.

What's the difference between WW2 kamikaze planes and 9/11?

One of the missions succeeded.

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.

I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.

What is the difference between the Twin Towers and feminism? The Twin Towers were destroyed by terrorists, while feminism was created by terrorists.

What's Technoblade's favorite show and is the only one he can relate to?

Peppa Pig: Peppa Dies!

What's the difference between Wacko Jacko and Elvis Presley?

14 number 1 hits.