And jokes

Hell

Hell in Greek times was known as cold and misty... so now just look at Seattle.

Sex

Why is sex like math?

You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

Hooker

Hookers are like drive-thrus; you tell them what you want, pay for your stuff, and leave.

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    • Memes

    And memes

    Rape

    There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.

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    • Son

    I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.

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    • Stereotype

    A white dude walks up to a Muslim and says, "So you're an Indian?" and the Muslim says, "No brotha, I'm not 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11."

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    • Domestic Violence

    I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.

    Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.

    Snow

    What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.

    Oxygen

    What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

    Dwarf

    Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.

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    • Priest

    What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?

    nothing... they both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.

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    • Orphan

    There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.

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    • Emo

    Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.