And jokes

A white dude walks up to a Muslim and says, "So you're an Indian?" and the Muslim says, "No brotha, I'm not 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11."

I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.

The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Q: What has two wings and a halo?

A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"

What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.

What do emo kids and bats have in common?

They both hang from trees.

What’s red and very rare?

A baby in a blender.

What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.

What's the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked.

What do you do when you see a kid alone? You beat them up and say, "It was self-defense!"

Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pal of water. Me: incorrect, two pals of water, one to refresh from running up a hill and the one you went to get. I’m sick af from these stories.

What is the difference between a boomerang and an orphan's dad?

The boomerang comes back.

A lady walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs. The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea." The lady replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is ten kids in one container; morbid humor is one kid in ten containers.

I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.

A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.

What do rats like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

What do you call a frozen communist?

Hammer and popsicle.