And jokes

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?

Hiroshima, Japan 1946.

I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.

What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?

None of them are straight.

What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman?

One's a superhero, one's a command.

What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

What do orphans and garbage have in common?

They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.

A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."

The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."

What's the difference between sex and mental illness?

Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a leaf? Only one falls down the family tree.

What is the difference between an orphan and a TV?

One has more channels.

What’s the difference between a female farmer and Hitler’s girlfriend?

One bails her hay, and the other heils her bae.

I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"

You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.

God: You're gonna have 2 parents.

Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.

What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?

He can't drink and drive.

What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?

Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.

I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.

A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"

What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?

I am not registered.