And jokes

Why was the orphan so successful?

Because people always said, "Go big or go home," and he only had one option. 😂🤣

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

What goes in dry and comes out wet and has white stuff at the end?

Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.

How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.

My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

What do Michael Jackson and Linus have in common? They both carry a little blanket.

My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.

What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."

I can make 9/11 jokes, but every time I do, they crash and burn.

My wife said I had no sense of direction... so I packed my sh*t and left.

I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)

What is the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute can wash their crack and resell it.

What does Michael Jackson and an ant have in common? They are both innocent.

My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Six hours.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?

They're both hanging from a tree.

What is the difference between apples and orphans? Apples get picked!

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.