And jokes

Welcome to Morgan's Morgue and Pizzeria where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.

A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

What do orphans, parents, and trees have in common? They leafed.

Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"

What are the two hottest cities in the world? Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

What do emos and the Lorax have in common?

They both hang with trees.

How do you spell ihop?

Then spell ihop and say "ness".

I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.

Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.

I was tickling my step brother's balls, and then it hit me: why is he laughing?

Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."

Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.

Patient: What's the good news?

Doctor: I've got you flowers.

Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?

Doctor: They're for your grave.

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"

What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party—except you.

I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣