And jokes

I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.

A blind man walked into a bar, a table, and a chair.

Once I saw Donald Trump and an orange and couldn’t tell the difference 😂

What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?

They're both hookers.

What's red and really bad for your teeth? A brick.

What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?

Reload and keep shooting.

If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

What’s the difference between an Indian and Jewish person?

An Indian person is burnt after death.

what's flat and great for cutting? me.

What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa? One stops at the top of the skyscraper.

What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.

Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.

What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.

The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.

My wife and I watched The Perfect Murder together. Excellent movie, but what disturbed me though was my wife constantly taking notes.

First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.

I gave a blind kid a pistol and said it was a hairdryer.

Drop me in Afghanistan with a Dodge Challenger Super Stock, a Mexican named Jose, a 6 pack of Dr. Pepper, a golden SCAR, a pack of chimichangas, and an M4A1, and I'll have the Taliban saying the Pledge of Allegiance in 4 hours.

Someone at school judged my grammar.

I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.

I was always poked and told at weddings your next...

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....