And jokes
what's flat and great for cutting? me.
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.
I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.
Memes
ASIANS>!?!?!?
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.
Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind.
Knock knock Who’s there? Not Sally.
Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.
Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)
"Oh, waiter! Waiter!"
"Yes, sir?"
"Do you have frog's legs?"
"Why, yes."
"Good. Now hop along and get me a steak!"
There was a plane crash. The pilot's names were Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, and Bang Ding Ow.
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What starts with “M” and ends with “arriage”?
Miscarriage.
A blind man walked into a bar, a table, and a chair.
What's red and really bad for your teeth? A brick.
What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa? One stops at the top of the skyscraper.
Once I saw Donald Trump and an orange and couldn’t tell the difference 😂
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
What’s the difference between an Indian and Jewish person?
An Indian person is burnt after death.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me and said, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
You know if you go to Wal-Mart, and go to the milk section, you might just find your dads.