And jokes

I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"

You know the difference between me and a zebra? Me neither.

How did the black woman name her 4 babies?

Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.

How did she differentiate them?

She called them by their last names.

My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."

What do you call Hitler speeding?

The Fast and the Fuherous.

How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.

How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?

Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a guitar teacher? One likes to stroke his finger across A minor, and the other one plays guitar.

Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.

Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!

Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-

Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!

When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.

“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”

I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.

What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"

A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?

The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?

Toothpaste.

Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!