And jokes

What's the difference between a white and a black fairytale? White begins with, "Once upon a time..." Black begins with, "Y'all motherf...s ain't gonna believe this sh.."

A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.

After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.

After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?

Two gay guys, two lesbians, and two pedophiles have a race.

What is the order of finish?

1. Lesbians. Doing 69 the whole way.

2. Pedophiles. Coming in a little behind.

3. Gay guys. Still packing their shit.

I pushed the kid in the wheelchair down the hill, but before I did, I set his wheels on fire and called him "hot wheels."

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\

White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?

Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!

What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.

An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"

What is the difference between preschools and my basement?

Little kids come out of preschool.

A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."

I can explain Superman and Batman movies in one sentence.

Two orphans fighting in the rain.

Lemme treat you like I treat my homework: slam you on my desk and do you all night.

My wife cheated on me with my brother.

She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.

What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?

Flatman and Ribbon.

Yo mama so fat that she was born on the 3rd, 4th, and 5th of March.

What's the difference between intelligence and apathy?

I don't know! I don't care!

Why do dwarfs hate fast food restaurants? Cause most of them have medium and large.

Give a blind kid a torch and tell him it's a hairdryer.

If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.

Why was the orphan so successful? Because once someone told him "go big or go home," and he only had one option.