And jokes

So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Heads and Shoulders?

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

19 and 20 had a fight. 21.

A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"

I asked the little German girl to rate our sex between 1-10. She kept crying and shouting "9!"

That's the best I've done so far.

I called a suicidal hotline in Iraq and they asked me if I could drive a truck.

If you're ever angry, go ahead and punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏

What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?

A neck.

Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"

What do women and airplanes have in common?

A cockpit.

Yo mama so poor she walked into an elevator and thought it was a mobile home.

What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?

Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.

What does a gay man that is a dumb blonde and who is a prostitute do after he sucks cock?

Spit out the feathers.

What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"