And jokes

What's the difference between a broken shovel and a young child?

The shovel doesn't cry when you swing it into a wall repeatedly.

Q: What's the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?

A: Stoners have papers.

What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.

It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.

What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.

Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A: A battery has a positive side.

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.

What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?

They both have plastic in them.

Why is dark spelt with a K and not a C?

Because they can’t see their parents.

Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?

A. Batman's parents.

Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."

Gf: "I luv u too."

Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."

Gf: "Ah, about that..."

I like my women how I like my wine.

Aged 9 years and lives in the basement.

What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.

While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.

We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.

Fortnite is just like high school. You get off the bus and start shooting everybody.

A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.

Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:

"I’m here for the new position?"

When you ask the cashiers for the specials menu, and they bring out the autistic kid, blind kid, and Down syndrome kid.