And jokes

Q: What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A: A battery has a positive side.

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.

What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?

They both have plastic in them.

Why is dark spelt with a K and not a C?

Because they can’t see their parents.

Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?

A. Batman's parents.

Bf: "Roses are red, violets are blue, you're my bf and I luv you."

Gf: "I luv u too."

Bf: "But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, I heard you were cheating, I'll knock off your head."

Gf: "Ah, about that..."

I like my women how I like my wine.

Aged 9 years and lives in the basement.

What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.

Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?

A: The size of balls they play with.

I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"

An Indian guy and an American guy in a wheelchair met in a bar for drinks.

The American guy got drunk and fell on the sidewalk.

The Indian guy got drunk and walked away.

You know the difference between me and a zebra? Me neither.

What are three things you can't give a black guy?

A fat lip, a black eye, and a job.

How did the black woman name her 4 babies?

Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.

How did she differentiate them?

She called them by their last names.

My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."

What do you call Hitler speeding?

The Fast and the Fuherous.

How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.

How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?

Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a guitar teacher? One likes to stroke his finger across A minor, and the other one plays guitar.

Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.

Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!

Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-

Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!