And jokes

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy. Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."

Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?

When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.

“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”

Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.

Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!

Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-

Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!

A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."

What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?

Toothpaste.

Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."

A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?

The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.

I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"

What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?

A sinkers bar.

When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.

The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.

Who was purple and wanted to rule the world?

Alexander the Grape.

What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.