And jokes
Why is your hairline so put back it's looking like it was slapped by Will Smith and it needs to be fixed?
I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.
A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”
I said, “Well, which one are you then?”
What wiggles and waggles?
A floppy dick!
When you are chilling in the World Trade Center, and then you suddenly get airplane WiFi.
What do 9/11 and 911 have in common?
They're twins.
Memes
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
Yo mama so fat, she called Dr. Seuss and he couldn’t even rhyme back.
My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!
What does a kid do when he's bored and he's sitting? He puts wheels on the chair and makes it a wheelchair.
Gwen, please just come back. I love you and I miss you so much!
If you want to see what I look like, then pics will be coming soon!
But freshfry, how are you!
Oh, and this is Cassie, aka princess shortie!
Yo mama so fat, a bus ran into her and she said, "WHO THREW THAT TWINKIE AT ME?!"
What do you call a fish and a guitar?
Tunafish.
Hey woah man, and Alya how are you guys? Oh and hbu jk master? How is life right now? Is it hard? You wanna talk?
My hair is blue, and I'm blue!
Don't y'all just hate when something funny to you happens and then you just have to be quiet so you don't look like a villain?
I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time it was sung... the line “fire away” caused massive confusion and shooting!
Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.