And jokes

What's the definition of disgusting?

Sticking 5 oysters up your grandmother and sucking 6 out!

Q: What's the difference between a computer and an abortion clinic? A: Ctrl+Alt+Delete

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

I went out for a drive and attempted to drift on the road. It didn't end well for me, or for the speed bumps I hit.

Wait, there aren't any road bumps.

O h s h i t.

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"

Bo: Hey kids, I am so sad that you won’t exercise and give me Bo power, so I am just going to be an orphan.

Kids changing the channel to Annie.

Annie: Tomorrow, tomorrow, only a day away.

TV changing the channel back to Bo On The Go.

Dezzy: WAAAAAAAAAA, I can’t find Bo!

I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

Eastern Europe and Western Europe is a joke.

I went on a date with an Eastern European chick. She got mad because I rushed her...

Get it? It's Russia, and I rushed her.

What do dead people and orphans have in common? They can't see their family.

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

Mommy, Mommy! Are we werewolves?

Shut up and comb your face.

A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.

The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"

I saw some kids bullying a kid in a wheelchair. I grabbed the kid, pushed him down the stairs, and said, "GTA physics."

I hope you have to pull hard on a candy wrapper only for the bag to pop and have the candy fall on the floor.

One day a son and his grandad were smoking.

Too bad only the sun was smoking. :)

Your momma's so fat, she farted in bed and blew the covers off.