And jokes
What's the difference between a dick and a rock?
One's hard.
Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.
Me.
You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.
What is the difference between Madeleine McCann and a submarine?
They are both full of seamen and are at the bottom of the ocean.
I hate the 9/11 jokes; my dad and grandpa were killed.
My dad was one hell of a pilot.
Grandpa was a hell of a planner.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
I'm not in jail for tossing a salad.
Memes
When I get home from school, I always lay on my floor crying and wishing I was dead.
Uma Thurman in "Pulp Fiction" was very kind and possibly the sweetest character, unless you count her forehead as of now.
Dude: Hey dude guess who I am?
Viewers: Dora.
Trump: No, I am President Trump.
Viewers: Why are you wearing Dora’s clothes and backpack?
Trump: Today we are going to build a wall.
Viewers: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Hey Danda, :^, Alex, Dangggg, Alya Kuhl, Jessica, Samantha, and Ariana!
What did the female rapper say when her boyfriend pulled his pants down and exposed his huge balls?
“I like big nuts and I cannot lie!”
What does a frozen loading screen and a Make-A-Wish kid have in common?
They both couldn't make it all the way.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples actually get picked.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and then you remember there are no speed bumps.
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
What's the difference between the 44 out of the 45 people who died in the Yaroslavl crash and the nine people who died in the helicopter crash?
Only one was ever famous. Vasicek and Kobe Bryant were the champions.
Your mama so slow, she went by a TV and missed eight episodes.
If you're bored, just punch an orphan!
What are they gonna do...tell their parents?
I go 7u7. I said I go 7u7. Get Rick and rolled, my son.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the British bastard and get the egg roll.
Five people went to a store and asked for a menu. The waitress said, "I will be right back."