And jokes

Yo mama's so ugly, she looked out the window and was arrested for mooning.

What do you do when a French kid steals your pencil?

Load your MP-40 and tell him that you give him a history lesson on WWII.

What's the difference between a car and a car?

I have absolutely no idea, sorry.

Why are apples and orphans the same?

They always get picked on.

What do you say to the orphan?

"Shut up, get a mom and dad!"

What's the difference between a submarine and Madeline McCann?

They are both full of seamen and at the bottom of the sea.

What's yellow and can't swim? A school bus full of orphans.

Lol, this joke may not be funny, but what do you call your mom fat and emo?

What should I write a joke about? Name the subject, and I’ll make a joke about it.

If someone's debating the speed of light and a drunk Russian, the Russian would take speed to grab a falling wallet.

What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus? It only takes 1 nail to hang the picture.

In my science class we were watching a video, and for no reason at all, it started talking about Black Lives Matter, and my friend leaned over and whispered, “White lives matter more!”

Wife: "Honey? What do you think about my teeth?"

Husband: "They remind me of stars... yellow and far apart."

What do a Rubik's cube and a dick have in common? The more you play with them, the harder they get.

I used to have an imaginary friend who I could talk to, and he could grant me wishes and stuff... and then I stopped going to church.

What's the difference between a hippie chick and a can of Spam?

After 6 months in the woods, you'll still eat the can of Spam.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no balls?

Still no fucking idea.

What do your underwear and the Starship Enterprise have in common?

They are both concerned about “Klingons near your anus”.

What's the difference between a dick and a rock?

One's hard.

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.

They should have ducked.