And jokes

I’m posting this again cuz I can and cuz it got thumbs downs and cuz I’m bored. Stop being sensitive snowflakes and get a sense of humor. Geez.

What gun isn’t allowed in Africa? A water gun.

If I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn because they are Beautiful, Majestic, Sparkly, Bright, Gods. They create Joy and Happiness everywhere they go.

Unicorns made my life better when I got to know them more. ^-^ They filled my life with more Happiness. I believe in the Unicorns, and they'll believe in me. I am not a Unicorn, although I am the Princess of the Unicorn Land, but if I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn! :P

Jack took Jill up a hill to have a picnic, but Jack and Jill got drunk. They then Jill unzipped Jack's fly, then said, "You know you want me to."

He said yes, so she took off her dress and bra. Jack took his pants and shirt off too. They both went in the well together and played a game: Jack's candy stick in Jill's candy stick. Next, Jill was sucking Jack's candy stick while Jack licked and sucked her candy stick, then Jill sat on Jack's candy stick while making out.

Have you heard the word of the day? It’s "legs".

Now, let’s go back to my place and I can spread them.

What do you call an @EB with no ears?

An Explain B.

Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.

They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.

You give some people 2.54 centimeters, and they take 1.6 kilometers.

What do you call a guy with a bald head who loves to eat biscuits, raisins, and caster sugar?

Gary Baldy (Garibaldi)!

What cries, is red, and is a pokey boi?

The baby you just feed nails to.

How were Stephen Hawking's best mates, Siri and Google?

Why haven't they just tried turning Stephen Hawking on and off?

When do you go at stop and stop when done?

I don't know, I'm not a pedophile.

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were walking down the street when a french fry caught the attention of Mr. Potato.

Mrs. Potato said: "I see you eye-balling that French girl!"

What's small, stupid, and has no dad?

Ben.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a tap?

The tap can run.

Me and my friends were telling puns. My teacher said we should be “pun-ished.”

What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?

A violin has "strings" and a fiddle has "strangs."

I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"

When you are playing Fortnite and you get a big W, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

What's green and furry?

Fiona from Shrek.