Always

Always Jokes

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.

Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”

I was always poked and told at weddings your next...

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....

I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.

That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?

I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.

I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."

My friend had this annoying little kid that always used to yell and scream when he didn't get what he wanted. I told my friend there's a new attraction a few states away he could take him to.

Confused, my friend asked me what it was. I told him, "The Sandy Hook Experience: Where you come in and leave with a 'hole' lot of fun."

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So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)

Guy 1: P-gay or T-gay?

Guy 2: P-gay sounds cooler.

Guy 1: Yeah me too. I don't like P-ewDiePie, always love T-series.

Guy 2: Omg what did i just say? I wasn't even knowing what were you talking about :<

Guy 1: Like I do care :$

Guy 3: But I do care :<

Guy 1: F*ck you.

Guy 3: Do it.

Guy 2: But you do care about me.

Guy 3: No.

Guy 2: F*ck you.

Guy 3: Do it.

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.