I will always remember my baby sisters last words."What is the fire for?".
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
Why do Cantaloupes always get married in the church? Cause they can't elope.
1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
2. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.
I love stairs. They always bring me up
Stephen Hawking would be a bad Pokemon.
He'd always be paralyzed, and his only move would be tackle!
“Don’t sneeze”
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends I would always tell them “Don’t sneeze” and when I did they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed we laughed even harder.
Also,
“It dangles and swung” Language art quizzes are the best
Rey: Join me, Ben, you don't have to be alone anymore, join me.
Ben: But Rey, I've always been solo.
Why do cheetahs always win? Because they cheat
I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.
When my girlfriend broke up with me I took her wheelchair. I always knew she would come crawling back
Why does the sky think it's so powerful Because it's always looking down on us
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness. Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!"
I was always poked and told at weddings your next...
So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
this is a lot like anal sex
you always miss 100% of shots if you take it
I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me. That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
I wanted to be an astronaut but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.
Sim a is proof cats don’t always land on their feet
