Already jokes

Few jokes (sorry if they have already been used).

1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall.

3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks.

4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans.

5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!

6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."

7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.

8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Why can't America play chess?

They're already missing 2 towers.

Mom: Hey hun, need some money for lunch at school?

Son: No, I got 1k already.

Mom: Wait, what, how?

Son: Mom's wallet is magic.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing you haven't told her twice already.

I was about to joke about your life, but I think your life is already a joke.

"Go frick a cow!"

"I already fricked your mother."

You're so fat, you don't need internet because you're already worldwide.

How do pirates like their movies?

You already know the answer, don't you?

Well...

ARRR rated! Huh huh huh...

Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.

Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.

There's like a weird after taste though.

Kinda like a sparkling water one.

I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.

What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?

Cassie.

Get it?

Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair?

It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit.

Your mom does not need the internet. She's already worldwide.

I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.

So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”

Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?

Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."

Why are you guys making fun of priests?

Because you have a suga daddy already.

I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...

Because you already look ugly.

Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.

Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.

But apparently there is something in your heart, so I already have scissors in my heart.