The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders is all the time.
I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad
I’m a faux pa.
I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’ I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’
Me: I been up all night, no sleep—
The lie detector I didn’t know I had: lie.
Me: stfu! I’m just singing!
Lie detector: you literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!
lie detector: it’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM....... You get waken up at 7:00 AM...... you only sleep two hours......
why do Pepole have a all of money and they have to spend it on jewelry 24/7 all the time
"Fuckin blakfellas be drunk all the time." slurred Barry McKenzie over his tenth pint of guiness.
Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time
Why don’t I shut myself all the time. I can only fit so many pares of kid in my mouth and stomach at the same time.
being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. they get to play Cut the rope on the job all the time!
after standing in line staring at mcdonalds menu for 17 minutes] me: ok im ready. can you help me not be sad all the time
A friend of mine says Baguette all the time cuz she is French
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. 2 of my best friends have it and its actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. Its really not funny to joke about depression.
*In thick Russian accent Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid urkrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die.
Why does the kid in the wheelchair get bullied all the time -He can’t stand up for himself
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
Some guy asked me are you better then my meat, I said no im not better, i just beat it all the time
Why do emo kids were hoodies a all the time: Because they are hiding stitches
What do you call a group of Indians that eat curry all the time?
The Munch Bunch.
I went home one day & three guys a Spanish, a Chinese, a white guy told me you should be proud of your sister that she won a trophy about knowing her flavor of meats. Then my sister told me that I was blindfold, and gave all of them a blowjob,and I had to guess which flavor that I was sucking on. I was aright all the time, and they gave me a trophy. The Trophy say blowjobs of fthe flavors. As a brother I couldn't be more prouder.
JESUS has had an all the time in the world and all the power in the world to do whatever he wanted.
Guess what he has to show for nothing, but putting us in hell!
Being an absolute waste Breathe of life, and of power !
