Aid jokes

I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed, "Anyone know CPR?" I said, "Shit, I know all the letters of the alphabet." Everyone laughed, well, except for this one guy.

What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?

He always needs a hand.

So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.

So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.

My grandad broke his legs.

To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.

AIDS?

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!

So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable?

The wheel.

You're so fat, the only thing you could be for Halloween is the Kool-Aid Man.

Hey ummm help!

We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.

Your momma so ugly, when the Kool-Aid man burst in the door, he said, "Oh no!"

Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?

A: Hearing Aids.

I get more care packages than Africa.

What’s positive in Africa?

HIV/AIDS.

Q: What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?

A: AIDS.

A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.