Aed jokes
A guy walks up to me and says, "I wonder if the hookman is real?"
I reply saying, "Yeah, it's Asa Hutchinson, lol."
Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"
Also me: "Throw it."
What makes a software developer feel rich?
Their cache.
What is the best type of bath bomb?
A toaster.
Q: Why do Dasher and Dancer love coffee?
A: Because they're Santa's Starbucks!
Q: Why can't skeletons go to the dance?
A: He doesn't have the guts for it.
A letter to all Math:
Dear Math,
Grow up and solve your own problems!
2x6= DO IT YOURSELF!!!!
Are you a nation leader or an email deleter?
Two Timetravers walk into a bar...
...the bartender then said, "Sorry, we don't serve Timetravers here."
What is the richest kind of air?
A millionaire.
Q: Did you hear about the Twin Towers?
A: No, what happened?
Q: Apparently, the design was fundamentally floored!
I have a saying. Whenever you find a sink, there's probably a dead baby inside it...
What do you call a no "r"-med T-rex?
A T-ex.
What is the difference between an emo and a normal person?
An emo slits.
Q: What does a cat have that no other animal has?
A: Kittens.
Q: What breed of dog is supposed to laugh at all of your jokes?
A: A Chihuahua.
Q: Why do Skeletons hate the cold?
A: It sends chills up their spine.
What do you call a male ladybug?
Trans.
Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?
Sanity to live: I don't know?
Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!
Sanity to live? *dies*
Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.
Sanity to live: *resurrected*
Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...
(sponsored by jumping bridges)
What do you call a person that guards a Samsung store?
A Guardian Of The Galaxy :)