Aed jokes
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
Ya, I have a Hydro Flask.
H: My Y: Grandpa D: Sticks R: His O: Cock F: Up L: My A: Ass S: K:
My penis is tied in a knot.
If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?
Where do you go to get the best fish?
A restaurant on the Titanic.
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,
"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."
I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.
Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
How to get 1000 followers on Instagram?
Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
Colder than the conversation between a fat guy and a Super Model...
I pooped in a bottle and stuck my finger through it.
I took some of the boo boo out, licked it, and rubbed it on a wall, making a BOO BOO portal. I jumped into it and I saw BOO BOO LAND. I rolled all in the chunk poop and drank the diarrhea.
At night, before I got in bed with my girl, I had 206 bones, but I developed a 207th bone.
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
Q: Why did the Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the first Koala.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.
So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."