My dick actually destroyed the Death Star.
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.
"I'm positive!"
What do you get when a dog that is actually a Weeto is caught in an earthquake?
Just like a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy!
I went into a dark basement with a flashlight, but then it died, but I was not scared. I was actually delighted.
Stephen Hawking isn't actually dead. He is just having an update.
Actually, it isn't a bear joke, but bear with me here...
What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?
A girl actually dates the paper.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.
Did you hear the pickle joke?
It's actually a really big dill.
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
Because they don't meet the koalafications.
One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.
After a minute, a boy stands up.
The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.
The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".
Why did my boyfriend leave me?
Because he's gay.
But why did he come back to me?
Because I'm actually a guy :-)
Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.
What's the difference between Mexicans and stoners? Stoners actually have papers.
So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?
... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.
Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?
Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.
