Actuality jokes

What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?

When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.

Did you hear the pickle joke?

It's actually a really big dill.

Why aren't koalas actual bears?

Because they don't meet the koalafications.

One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.

After a minute, a boy stands up.

The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.

The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."

What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".

Why did my boyfriend leave me?

Because he's gay.

But why did he come back to me?

Because I'm actually a guy :-)

Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.

What's the difference between Mexicans and stoners? Stoners actually have papers.

So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?

... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.

Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.

Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?

Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.