Actuality jokes
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?
One of them is actually loved.
What's the difference between an orphan and a pencil?
People actually have a use for one of them.
Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.
I swear bro, this time I don't want any jokes on 9/11. Like people actually died, like that shit is just plane wrong. 💀
What is the difference between Superman and an emo kid? Superman can actually land.
What is an orphan's favorite movie? Hint, not Home Alone. It's actually Batman, 'cause they are 50% the same as him.
Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?
Someone turned off flight mode.
(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.
Why is an orphan bad at hide-and-seek?
Because nobody will actually look for them.
Luigi and Daisy are actually Aussie! How?
They wear GREEN and GOLD! The Aussie Colors!
What's the difference between orphans and apple trees?
The apples actually get picked.
Why do orphans like being criminals?
Because then someone actually wants them.
I wrote a song about tortillas...
Actually, it's more of a wrap.
I wrote a song about a tortilla yesterday, but it’s actually more of a rap.
Why is Homelander an orphan's favorite superhero?
Because they can actually land a home.
What's Technoblade's actual Zodiac Sign?
Cancer!
How did Technoblade actually die?
He got stabbed!
Q: Why do orphans love boomerangs?
A: Because they actually come back.
What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?
If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.