Actuality jokes

I am an actual police officer (Not gonna mention with which department in case they actually check this site) and tbh I find these jokes funny as fuck, carry on boys.

What's the difference between me and an orphan's parents?

I actually come back with the milk.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

One's actually picked.

Why do orphans want a sugar daddy?

They actually can call someone "daddy!"

What is an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang because it actually comes back.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples actually get picked.

What do you call a fat Indian that is actually a machine?

The "curry muncher 2000."

Me: "What's the difference between an apple and an emo?"

Friend: "I don't know."

Me: An apple actually falls from the tree.

The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.

"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"

Sally: "You..."

Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"

Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."

Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"

Johnny: "A pig."

Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "

Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

One actually gets picked.

What's the difference between an orphan dying and a bag of groceries being dropped?

While most agree that both are unfortunate, people actually care when they drop their groceries.

Why do orphans like boomerangs? Because they actually come back.

Out of a total population of 1.3 billion, no one in Africa actually speaks "African."

Why don't a gun and an orphan have anything in common? The gun is actually useful.

Rape jokes like cancer jokes or AIDS jokes are just humorous wordplay. If you don't agree, send me your details, and we'll see if you prefer actual rape to a harmless rape joke... YOU SAD SACKS OF HUMORLESS SHIT MUNCHERS!

This page is for fat jokes, right? Well, I am breaking the mold! Yo Mama so fat! That's not a Joke it's True.

P.S. If your mom is actually fat, then I am sorry that I don't care.

I’ve got a joke about Alzheimers.

Um.

Oh no. I can’t actually remember it.

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang because it actually came back.

What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP?

The condom was actually useful at one point.

Why do orphans play GTA?

'Cause they're actually wanted.