Absence jokes
What do you call an orphan's family photo?
A self-portrait.
What are orphans' favorite sports team? The home team.
The "f" in "orphan" stands for "amily." There is no "f."
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
"Brandon, tell the teacher that I'm with Ms. Polack."
What’s the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
Only the boomerang came back. It’s been 14 years, where’s my dad?
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
Because it had no body to dance with!
Why couldn't the girl with no arms hug her parents?
Because she had none of the above.
What's the difference between milk and my dad?
Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.
Why can't I talk in the dark?
Because I'm anonymous.
Why can’t orphans have a house pet?
Because its parents have it to itself.
Why do orphans not love their parents?
Because they don’t have parents.
Dad: "I'll be back in a minute."
20 years later
Orphan: "Dad?"
An orphan's family photo: empty.
Why did the orphan live at school?
Because on the first day his parents didn’t pick him up.
What do you call an orphan's selfie?
A family photo.
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
He had no body to go with. XD
What was the guy with no arms, legs, or a head name?
Matt.
I bet you eat your cereal with water because your dad never came back with the milk.