Absence jokes
Why is an orphan like a boomerang? Because they always come back.
Dmitriy has no mother.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family photo.
What are orphans' favorite sports team? The home team.
The "f" in "orphan" stands for "amily." There is no "f."
What’s the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
Only the boomerang came back. It’s been 14 years, where’s my dad?
What did the kid with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Just kidding, he hasn’t opened it yet.
"Brandon, tell the teacher that I'm with Ms. Polack."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
What's the difference between milk and my dad?
Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.
An orphan's family photo: empty.
Dad: "I'll be back in a minute."
20 years later
Orphan: "Dad?"
Why can’t orphans have a house pet?
Because its parents have it to itself.
Why can't I talk in the dark?
Because I'm anonymous.
Why did the orphan live at school?
Because on the first day his parents didn’t pick him up.
What do you call an orphan's selfie?
A family photo.
What was the guy with no arms, legs, or a head name?
Matt.
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
He had no body to go with. XD
Why do orphans not love their parents?
Because they don’t have parents.