Absence jokes

What do you call an orphan's selfie?

A family photo.

What did the mom tell her son when he asked for a bowl of cereal? "Sorry your dad wasn't came back with the milk yet."

I bet you eat your cereal with water because your dad never came back with the milk.

Kid: Your mom!

Orphan: I don't have a mom.

Why did the orphans have in common? They both don't have parents.

What's the difference between cancer and my dad?

Cancer is still here. 😂😂😅😅😐😐😪😪😥😥😭😭

Why can't orphans have family time?

They don't have a family.

Orphans don’t have parents, lol.

I see you.

Why didn’t the orphan celebrate their birthday?

Because they didn’t have a mom to birth them.

My life, get it, 'cause I don't got one.

Stop making the jokes!

Why can’t orphans f*ck their mom?

Because they don’t have one.

Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.

The first kingdom was quite rich and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy and sent only 10 knights, each with two squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.

The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.

The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.

And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.