Amaurotic Idiocy

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

I took my pony to the vet because I thought he was making a funny noise when he neighed. The vet said everything was okay and he was just a little horse.

Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.

I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.

Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.

I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.

I was going to tell a ghost joke, but it just seemed so mean-spirited.

Q. What's the difference between Donald Trump and orange Jello?

A. The Jello has a higher IQ.

If a Jewish kid has ADHD, do they get sent to a concentration camp?

I hope you're an organ donor so your organs can go to someone who deserves them.

Today I was asked if I was in favor of legalizing prostitution.

I admit I haven't given it much of a thot.

Say what you want about Jeffery Dahmer, but he always managed to get a head.

What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?

Let us prey.

Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?

I guess he was a little deranged.

Political correctness has gone too far! You have to say "cognitive decline" rather than "Alzheimer's ridden shitbag"!

Trump should be grateful for DEI.

How else could a mentally handicapped person be elected President?

My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"

If you're ever in need of a punching bag, just go to your local Alzheimer's unit.

They'll forget you were there in like three minutes.

Apparently there was a woman from Australia who had sex with 500 men in one day.

That's like a real life "Your mom" joke.

Q. What do you call a biracial kid in a vegetative state?

A. A mixed vegetable.

Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?

A. A loaded potato.