Shower thoughts

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Politics

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."

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    When your crush walks in class, but you're homeschooled.

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    I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.

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  • School

    When your crush walks in class, but you're homeschooled...

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    I have a joke about suicide, but I’ll just let it hang.

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  • Amputation

    Why don't amputees ever get cold? They're always wearing their stump warmers.

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    Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She was born without arms.

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    What's the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? A hockey player changes his pads every third period.

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  • Joe Biden

    If you think I would joke about Alzheimer's, forget it.

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  • Feminist

    Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

    So you can tell them apart from the feminists.

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    Why do lesbians get their belly button pierced?

    So they have a place to hang the air freshener.

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  • Woman

    Why do men fart louder than women?

    Because women can’t keep their mouth shut to build up any pressure.

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  • Woman

    What is the first thing you would do if you woke up as a woman?

    "Probably the dishes."

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    How do you stop a woman from choking?

    Back up an inch.

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  • Gay

    What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"

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  • Psychiatrist

    A patient walked into a psychiatrist's office last week wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist said, "I can clearly see your nuts."

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  • Feminist

    What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?

    "Nice tits, bitch."

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