Why do men fart louder than women?
Because women can’t keep their mouth shut to build up any pressure.
Shower thoughts
What is the first thing you would do if you woke up as a woman?
"Probably the dishes."
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
How much semen can a gay man hold? A buttload.
What did one gay sperm say to the other? "You think we’ll find the egg and all this shit?"
A patient walked into a psychiatrist's office last week wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist said, "I can clearly see your nuts."
What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?
"Nice tits, bitch."
What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A fruit stand.
What is the female version of t-bagging? A clam slapping.
Cops have the hardest job, they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well, she will not have the ability
Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.
What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:
"I’m here for the new position?"
When you ask the cashiers for the specials menu, and they bring out the autistic kid, blind kid, and Down syndrome kid.
I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I told my mom I wanted my first time to be special.
When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?
When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?
Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.
My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"
So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'